Fear

That’s the answer to the question “Why has this business been so quiet?”

 

It’s not because I don’t believe in what I’m doing, my skills, what I charge, or any other business variable.

 

It’s fear.

 

It’s because the last time I had to stand up to corporate norms, to the ableism inherent in the ways we are expected to work, it cost me dearly. I went from about 50% housebound to 95% housebound. That was two years ago and I still haven’t recovered any of that physical capacity.

 

I am housebound and struggle with synchronous conversation.

 

I can work; I haven’t lost my skills or knowledge.

 

I just need to work in a way that suits my needs. That means entirely asynchronous work.

 

We’ll never meet. We’ll never have a phone call or a zoom meeting.

 

Knowing that I have to fight for my needs to be respected has put me off of promoting myself. For years. The harm run that deep, and harm that deep takes a long time to admit, even to yourself. 

 

I’m tired of the fear now. Something has changed in the past few weeks and the fear makes me angry. No more hiding. I never know what the cause of changes like this are, I just know them when they happen.

 

But why are you sharing this?

 

Recently I talked about some of this on social media, as I was taking my first steps to working out why I’d been so quiet on this business. I realised that like most chronic illness experiences in life, if I’ve felt it, then someone else has too. If I can make one person feel less alone, feel more seen in their needs, then it’s worth it. 

 

It’s always worth being who you are if you can do it safely.

 

Next steps?

 

I’m going to be taking a look over my site and making sure my needs and my offers are clear. Then it’s time to start talking about them. A lot.